I am finishing up my First Trimester and I’m really looking forward to feeling less like a zombie and more like a glowing giver-of-life [I remind Alex on the reg. of my super strength of growing humans]. But on a serious note, this pregnancy has already had its twist and turns.
When we found out we were pregnant we were sooo excited. This baby was planned out and seeing two pink lines was overwhelming in the best way. I knew I was pregnant before I got a positive test, I even called my doctor and said “somethings wrong because I’m pregnant and the test says negative.” Finally we got the positive test and the doctor confirmed at 4 weeks.
Then at 5 weeks 5 days I had some concerning symptoms that sent me to my doctors office. I thought I had lost the baby and they needed to do an ultrasound to confirm if the pregnancy was continuing. Alex and my Mom came to be with me and when the ultrasound started we instantly notice something was different than our ultrasounds with Keller… there were two babies with two little heartbeats.
Holy crap! Life seemed to instantly change and the idea of having to leave work, bed rest, extra baby gear, new house, new car, everything was shocking. For the next 2 weeks we changed our mindset and starting learning everything we could about a life with multiples.
Then came our 8 week ultrasound. We couldn’t wait to see our tiny sprouts [that’s what we started calling them] and talk to the doctor about what to expect this pregnancy. The ultrasound started and again we instantly notice something was different… one baby with one little heartbeat. The rest of the ultrasound was a muffled blur. I cried most of the time and then felt horrible guilt for being sad when we still had one healthy growing baby. I went through a couple of days of sadness and guilt.
I’m feeling better now but honestly it has taken some time. After losing one baby, I felt like doing things such as a gender reveal and having a baby shower was not important anymore [sounds stupid I know]. I’m getting back to that original excitement and I feel really lucky to have Alex, my family, and my friends help me through this moment.
Writing this has been therapeutic and difficult, I don’t normally do very personal post, but I want to remember all the excitement, love, and emotions we have felt in these first 3 months. We’ve experienced a lot already and we are so ready to feel those first kicks and find out what this tiny sprout will be!